I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
