but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
