Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
