I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
