Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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