At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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