This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
