something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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