haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
