So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
