tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
