You can't motorboat a personality
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
