she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
