There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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