They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize