the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
