yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
