My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
