I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
