I'm really into asian looking animals
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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