I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
