Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
