The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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