dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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