Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
