Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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