Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
