Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
