I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
