On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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