And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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