New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
