i just had sex bonerless
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
