just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
