I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
