this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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