Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
