Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
