Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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