I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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