you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize