i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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