At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
