i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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