i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize