He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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