Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
