I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
