xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
