I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
did i just pee glitter
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