I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
