with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
