everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
