Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
