If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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