I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
