six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize