driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
