Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
