Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
