I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
its liver damage thursday
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
