big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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