how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
