If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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