I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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