Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
