chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
