Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
