just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize