i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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