Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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