I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
