you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
