Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
