My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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