DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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