so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
