You're so nebulous sometimes
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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