I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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