I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize