i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
