She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
