Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
