We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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