he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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