At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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