i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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