She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I hate all girls vehemently.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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