I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize