nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
