i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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