Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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