You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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