So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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