i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
