Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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