Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
