I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
