omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
