He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
