Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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