Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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