she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
In America we eat man semen.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
