Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
