I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize