They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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