Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My ass is underappreciated
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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