you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
