it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
