she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
