Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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