everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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