Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
