i think my tv is drunk
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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